Is pre-school really necessary?

I have two sons, 3 and 6 months, which means I've given a lot of thought to pre-K education lately. And though I'm probably opening myself up to criticism, here's the decision that my husband and I have come to: We're not going to send our boys to pre-school.

I tend to think there's quite a bit of "keeping up with the Joneses" that goes into what we do with our kids. My parenting philosophy is decidedly laid-back — when I was pregnant with my first, my parenting manual of choice was "The Three Martini Playdate," if that tells you anything. Side note: It's an excellent and hilarious book. You should totally read it.

But even given this, I feel a lot of pressure to send my sons to some name-recognized pre-school around here. And I won't deny that there's obviously benefits to it. So not enrolling them is not a decision we came to without deliberation, of course.

I had discussions with a couple of parent friends — who represent two pretty different parenting philosophies — about what they thought pre-school did for their kids. And they both told me essentially the same thing: They weren't sure the money they paid for their kids' pre-school education was worth it; and if they had to do it over again, they weren't even sure they'd send their kids to pre-school at all.

We talked about what their kids learned at their schools, and it seems to me that, between what my son learns at daycare and what we teach him at home, we'll arrive at roughly the same destination that they did with their kids in terms of social, emotional and intellectual standards for kindergarten preparedness.

So, we've made the decision. But I'm interested in hearing and learning from other parents out there. Did you send your kids to pre-school? Was it worth it? Am I giving this too much thought?

Comments

[JP]

I'm not a parent but I am an elementary teacher. The biggest difference I see between Kinder kids who have and have not been to pre-school is social skills. Generally speaking, those who went to pre-school have more advanced social skills (i.e. working with others, carrying on a conversation, having a pretty good idea of what is and isn't appropriate behavior). Good social skills = very happy teacher. =)

[carol_toler]

Kris, first and foremost - listen to your own instincts. You are the best to judge. Next (and this will seem like a contradiction), listen to input from others. Join (or create) a "mommy network" of people whose opinions you value and trust. Not so that others can dictate what you do, but so that you can have information to use in your decisions. I am constantly amazed at the brilliance of the vast majority of the moms I come in contact with. I have surrounded myself with awesome people. DO that. Then, schedule some time with them. Don't think of time off from work or duties talking to them as "slacking." Think of it as an investment in your child's future and your own sanity. Be sure to include some moms with children 2-5 years older than your oldest. These are your jewels. They have "been there, done that. Lastly, stay away from the "drainers." The "advisors" who sap you of your energy and focus on the negative. Life is too short. Oh, and one last thing, PROMISE that you will serve as an advisor to the new moms you encounter down the road. You'll be an expert by then, and it will be your turn to help.

[Kris Scott]

Thank you both for your input. Carol — incredible advice, and so true. I have a "mommy group" in my neighborhood, and it's an invaluable resource in so many ways. I'm not a joiner, per se, but I'm so glad I'm part of this particular group. Moms ARE so often smarter than they're given credit for. And cooler, too, but that's another ax to grind for another post.

JP — Your point about socialization is well taken. My boys do go to daycare and people comment positively on my oldest's social skills (too early to tell with the youngest). So I guess in that sense, daycare and pre-school can provide the same skill set.

[rarepair]

Kris, I didn't release my daughter from my grip for a long time. (Actually if you ask El, I still haven't released her - may never!)

I'm not sure I ever distinguished between Mothers Day Out and Pre-School. I sought out those very few rare folks I trusted for a few hours a week to keep care of my daughter. Did they teach her Carol's socialization? Absolutely. Do I agree wholeheartedly with Carol? Absolutely. Did I get a break? Absolutely. Do I to this day trust that I made the right choices to send my daughter to - WHATEVER - Mothers Day Out, Pre-School, Ms. Wilson's Pre-K class? Absolutely.

Here's what I can tell you is a good deal: LHE and the Wee Wildcats.

Call Kim Sullivan. Get in on the BEST private public in town. And be welcomed by a whole bunch of good moms looking after your kids.